Coming Out – Part 2

About two weeks ago, I wrote this post:, about my coming out experiences so far. I thought that it would stay like that for a long time to come. I don’t plan on being in a relationship anytime soon, or at least that I wouldn’t feel the need to introduce a partner to my entire family any time soon. My parents – maybe, but I’m already out to them. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins? – No, I’m not out to them, and don’t think I’ll introduce anybody to them any time soon.

Well, totally unexpected, there was quite a change of scenery happening today. I called my mum tonight. I could tell something was off because she said “Oh! Julia…” when she picked up the phone instead of the usual “Hi! How are you?!”. I asked, she said she did say “Hi”, I must have misheard her. Well after the usual minutes of small-talk about this and that, she told me “I’m with your grandparents, aunts and uncles today. I told them where you’re going tonight.” — “You did what?!”

Tonight, I’m going to a place called Villa. It offers support groups for LGBTQ people of all ages, and also has a bar/restaurant in the same building. I went to their youth-support group which has helped me tremendously, and today, they’re celebrating their 30th anniversary.

So… My mum told my entire family that I’m going to an LGBTQ event tonight, and explained that I identify as bi. I’ve talked about it with my mum before, and we agreed that it’s best not to tell my grandparents about it, unless I really need to (for example when I’m in a serious relationship and want the other person to meet my extended family). Well, I guess she changed my mind and outed me.

In general, I hate to be outed. I hated when my mum did exactly the same thing, also to my extended family, about my depressions and suicidal attempts (which is in my past now, thankfully).

However, my mum said they all reacted quite well, so, I’m actually happy she told them about it. I’m just a little nervous about seeing them the next time and probably being asked a thousand questions about it. I don’t mind questions about it in general, but I hate talking about why I’m not in a relationship, experiences I have made or have not made. (Seriously, is it anybody’s business whether you have slept with people of one gender, two genders, people who don’t identify as either gender?) Maybe I should just be more open about things like that and people would stop asking.

But it does make me wonder why it’s OK to ask somebody “Have you had sex with a woman yet?”, when nobody asks “How can you know? Have you ever slept with a person of another than your own gender?” when one identifies or is known as heterosexual.

1 thought on “Coming Out – Part 2

  1. Yikes! I’m so sorry that your mum outed you! 😦
    That’s one of horrible things, like a person reading your private dairy or rooting through your stuff behind your back… it’s highly intrusive! Hugs!!!
    I am “lucky” because my mum is often too ashamed or embarrassed to out me to family friends or relatives. I am glad, because even if I do fall in love with someone of the opposite sex someday, I still plan to be “in the closet” with some of my older relatives and cousins who I am not that close with in general. However, maybe that’s a reflection of my mum’s shame affecting my decision on that. I’m not sure if being out to everyone is a good thing or a bad idea, in general, because people do ask questions that sound a lot like discrimination or judgments. I do wonder why people ask questions on who I sleep with, how many times, and if I’m sure that I’m bisexual. Or excusing that I must not have had a great male lover yet, so this much be the reason why I’m attracted to women. They couldn’t be more wrong about that! 😆
    I hope it all works out for you! HUGS!

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